Whisper My Hurt Away
by spacemonkeylover
Summary: After Hell there is only healing
1. Whisper

Title: Whisper…

Author: Sarah

Spoilers: 312 Jolinar's Memories, 313 The Devil You Know

Rating: I'm going to say 13+ (when in doubt go for the one in the middle-it worked throughout school in multiple choice)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Stargate SG1 (or 'TARGAT' as it appears on my tv-mucho weird) and I don't own the Evanescence Lyrics.

x

_I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know that there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

Whisper by Evanescence

x

Daniel lay awake staring up at the dark ceiling of his quarters. It had been two weeks since SG1's last mission, Jack's leg was mended and Sam had returned from her vacation with her father the week before.

He thought about the ordeal they had all been through on Netu, he weighed up the torture sessions and physical injuries each person had received and came to a conclusion. Daniel himself had only received bruising as a result of being thrown around by the guards and his session with Apophis was not very torturous, but a conversation with imaginary Jack or real Jack was sometimes mentally challenging.

Although Jacob had severe physical injuries, he had told the group in the debriefing that his torture was never mental, Bynarr preferring to see the pain he inflicted by the amount of lacerations on the subjects body.

Jack was the runner up, receiving a staff blast to the leg and seeing memories, although distorted, of his son weeks before his death. In his mind, Apophis had blamed Jack for driving Charlie to the gun something that Jack already blamed himself of when in reality Jack was doing the right thing for his child. Daniel hoped he would never go through the feeling of guilt at someone he loves death to the extent Jack does, in part he does blame himself for Sha're's capture and death but he knows he could not have prevented it.

The winner, or loser of the worst ordeal award goes to Major Samantha Carter PhD. Not only having the grief of her mother's death to contend with, but the memories of Jolinar's torture and escape whilst on Netu along with revisiting the planet would be the worst form of torture in Daniel's mind, in essence she would be reliving the whole thing. Daniel did not know the extent to what Sam remembered or of what Jolinar actually went through, but the fact that Sam was not saying could only lead to the worst-case scenarios. He also knew for a fact that she hadn't been sleeping properly and having nightmares but didn't want to see anyone about it. He should not be the one to talk to her about something so personal and military protocol was still an iffy point that he didn't quite understand, Teal'c would not understand and Jacob was back on the new Tok'ra home world. That left only one person, Jack.

Daniel slid his glasses onto his nose and left his room, once he reached the Colonel's quarters he knocked and waited for a reply.

"Go away Daniel, I'm sleeping." He heard from the other side of the door.

"It's important Jack." There was a rustle of fabric on fabric as Jack obviously got out of bed, the lock clicked and the door swung open.

"It better be, Spacemonkey." He stepped aside for Daniel to enter before flicking the light switch on and closing the door behind them. "So what's so important that you come here and hammer on my door at this time of the night?"

Jack limped back over to the bed and sat down indicating the chair to the younger man.

"It's only ten thirty and I didn't hammer." Daniel frowned stubbornly.

"Well I have an early day tomorrow."

"I'll make this as short and painless as possible then." Daniel snided. "I was thinking about Netu, and Sam."

"What about them?"

"Oh don't play dumb with me Jack, you and I both know she hasn't been giving us the whole picture of what she went through. She's been sleeping a lot less than she usually does and she has mentioned that she has had at least one nightmare in the last week."

"She would have said something if it was that bad."

"Would she? Think about it, it's not exactly something you would talk about in casual conversation and none of us have confronted her. As a fellow military person who has been through torture, shouldn't you be the one to help her, maybe give her some advice?"

"I don't know if I can Daniel." Jack broke eye contact and stared down at his hands. "How do you tell someone that it doesn't go away, it will haunt them for the rest of their lives? That they just have to learn to live with it, that maybe over time it will start to heal?"

"Tell her the truth, help her cope. Be there for her Jack, that's all you can give her." Daniel got up to leave. "I trust you Jack, you'll tell her exactly what she needs to hear."

"I'm not the best of people to talk to someone." He smiled sadly up at his best friend.

"You'll do fine." Daniel closed the door behind him leaving Jack to his thoughts.

Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and through his messed up hair, making a decision he quickly got changed and headed for his car topside.

x


	2. My Hurt Away

Title: …My Hurt Away

Author: Sarah

Spoilers: 312 Jolinar's Memories, 313 The Devil You Know

Rating: I'm going to say 13+ (when in doubt go for the one in the middle-it worked throughout school in multiple choice)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Stargate SG1 (or 'TARGAT' as it appears on my tv-mucho weird) and I don't own the Evanescence Lyrics.

x

Catch me as I fall  
say you're here and it's all over now  
speaking to the atmosphere  
no one's here and I fall into myself  
this truth drives me into madness  
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Whisper by Evanescence

x

Sam lay on the couch, the TV blaring in the background not doing its job of drowning out the sounds in her head. She willed away the thoughts playing on her mind wishing everything could just slip away into nothingness. One arm thrown across her face, the other resting across her stomach she eventually fell into a hellish sleep.

Rough hands shook her, she tried to fight back but the arms attached to the hands were pinning her down. She cried out and tried to wriggle free.

"Carter, calm down." The voice belonging to the arms said. "I'm here okay, you're safe. It's all over."

The voice was very familiar; she opened her eyes and almost cried with relief as it dawned on her that she was in the Colonel's arms and not on Netu. Tears of relief joined those of panic and fear on her wet cheeks as she relaxed into Jack's chest.

"It's okay," He whispered stroking her hair. "It's okay."

Sam's crying stopped and her breaths evened out, Jack pulled her into a more comfortable position on his chest, turned to TV off and watched her sleeping for a while before he joined her in the land of nod.

Later that night, Jack woke as the weight on his chest was lifted.

"Hey Carter." He whispered opening one eye.

"Sir, I… thank you for coming over." She was avoiding his gaze and tidying up the books that lay on the floor that she had been reading to take her mind off the events of their last mission.

"I wanted to see if you were alright," He sat up on the couch and grabbed her wrist stopping her. "And obviously you are not."

"It was just a bad dream, nothing I can't handle." She looked into his eyes, the look he was giving her telling her that she was in no position to deny what happened, he knew what it was like.

Jack pulled her onto the couch next to him rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand in soothing circles. Sam watched his thumb on her skin, mesmerised until she worked up the courage to talk.

"It was horrible. The things she had to do, just being there again and having her memories in my head. I could feel what she felt." She said starting to cry again. "It was just so confusing, I could see memories of my mom dying and Jolinar with Bynarr and it hurt so bad."

Jack put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her hair lightly as she turned into him and cried.

"I wish that I could just make this go away." She sobbed.

"I know," Sam wondered how much he really did know, she had no idea what had happened to him when he was Iraq or any of his other Special Ops missions. There was so much she didn't know about this man, so much he didn't know about her. "It will never go away Sam but you learn to live with it, push it to the back of your mind and carry on with your life."

She pulled away form his chest and looked down at his damp shirt.

"I got you wet." She smiled before realising how that sounded and blushed. "I…uh…"

"Didn't mean it like that?" He smirked.

"Yeah."

"Come on, I'll help you tidy up." He stood and pulled her with him.

"You don't have to do that, Sir."

"The sooner this place is tidy, the sooner you're safely tucked up in bed, the sooner I can go to sleep, the less grumpy I'll be for my last doctors appointment about my leg in the morning." He replied grabbing the books from the table and sorting them onto a bookshelf.

"Well that was relatively easy." He looked around to find the room relatively devoid of mess. "Bed Carter."

"Yes Sir." She replied and headed toward her bedroom to get into her pyjamas.

Jack took the time to study her living room, his eyes rested on the pictures along the mantelpiece. He walked over and picked one up, it was of a woman that looked very much like Sam: blonde hair, blue eyes, brilliant smile. There were two children in the picture, one obviously Sam at around 6 years old. She was wearing a pink summer dress, her hair was in two bunches and her smile showed the two front teeth were missing. The other child, Jack thought to himself must be Sam's brother Mark, slightly older with brown hair like his father used to have with matching dimples to Sam's.

The next picture along was of SG1; Jack smiled at the memory of the day it was taken be Cassandra. Janet was showing the girl how to use a camera and took the photo of the team without their knowledge. They were in the park sitting on a bench; they looked so relaxed sitting there talking to each other, laughing at someone's joke like they didn't save the world on a daily basis.

"That's one of my favourites." Sam said from behind him.

Jack jumped slightly; he had been too lost in his thoughts to notice the familiar prickly feeling on the back of his neck when he was being watched.

"You shouldn't creep up on people like that Carter." He placed the picture back on the mantle and turned to look at her. "I better be going then."

"Yeah." She looked nervously at her feet. "You could stay, that is if you wanted to, just for tonight."

Jack raised his eyebrow Teal'c style.

"I mean…"

"Sure."

"It's just that the nightmare's aren't as bad when…what?" She looked up shocked.

"I said sure." He walked over to her leaning on the doorframe and took her hand. "All you have to do is ask."

"Please, stay with me?" She asked quietly, inches from his own face.

"Always." He whispered closing the gap to take her soft sweet lips in his. Pulling away he rested his cheek against hers. "I love you Samantha Jean."

"I love you too JJ."

"JJ?"

"Jonathan James." She smiled as he shrugged his shoulders and led her to the bedroom where they slept peacefully in each other's arms.

Finis


End file.
